


You're stealing every bit of my heart with your daddy's eyes

by storiesthatmakeus



Series: What I never knew I always wanted [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Baby, Fatherhood, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-16 06:15:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11822895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: Robert is a dad now. He's lucky, because his son seems to actually like him, rather than just tolerate him.Will he also be lucky enough for another man he loves to like him once more?For Mauri.





	You're stealing every bit of my heart with your daddy's eyes

**Author's Note:**

> So a lovely reader called Mauri asked if I could write something where Robert is the dad but the boys still get their happy ending.
> 
> This didn't really go as I intended, but I hope it's still enjoyable :)

‘’Robert, I’m sorry, I don’t want this, it’s too much.’’

With those final words, she had fled, leaving a two-week old baby behind. There hadn’t been so much as a text from her since that day, and Robert had been left holding a baby boy he hadn’t even wanted in the first place and was now solely responsible for. 

Vic had been devastated, Diane and Doug incensed, and Robert had just felt numb. He had always been a man with a plan, but now he had nothing but his baby son Ollie crying in his arms, with Robert at a complete loss as to how to comfort him. His mother was probably sunning herself on a beach in Ibiza, not a care in the world, no inclination to check in on how her son was doing with his incapable father. He had not felt so alone in such a long time, not since everything ended with -

 

He hadn’t seen Aaron once in the three weeks since Rebecca had vanished. Robert had holed up in Victoria’s house, only venturing as far as the back garden when he and Ollie needed fresh air. He was reluctant to say he was a good dad, but his son didn’t seem to mind him that much and he definitely didn’t cry like he used to. In fact, being in Robert’s arms seemed to be the only thing that settled him a lot of the time.

He still hadn’t been ready to face the baying mob of villagers though, convinced they thought that he had somehow orchestrated Rebecca’s disappearance from the village. And he definitely wasn’t going to risk the pub anytime soon, not with Chas and Liv now back from Ireland.

He had abandoned the scrap yard completely for the time being - too many memories and too many hurt ex-husbands - and focused only on Home James, getting some work done whenever Ollie was having a nap. Anything to distract himself from the feelings of inadequacy he felt every time he looked in his son’s eyes, even if Ollie himself seemed pretty content with the man tasked with being his dad.

 

Eventually, as was inevitable really, Vic lost patience with him and his hermit tendencies. After yet another day spent in the garden, Rob came into the kitchen with Ollie in his arms to find Vic glaring at him.

‘’For goodness sake Rob, my back garden does not count as outside.’’

‘’I beg to differ.’’

‘’Don’t give me lip Robert. You need to take your son out, let him see the village.’’ Vic softened as she continued. ‘’Look, everyone knows the truth. Everyone knows she took off, and they also know that for once you’re not the bad guy.’’

‘’Cheers Vic, that’s really comforting.’’

‘’That’s what I’m here for.’’ She grinned. ‘’And you’d see for yourself that I’m right if you actually got out there and spoke to people.’’

‘’Fine, if it’ll shut you up.’’ After bundling his son up and nestling him in his pram, Robert threw on his leather jacket and braced himself before opening the door. ‘’C’mon then Ollie, let’s greet your public shall we?’’

Turned out, Victoria was right, not that Robert would willingly admit it. He had decided to start small with a trip to David’s, but it wasn’t long before he was mobbed. Tracey and Leyla pounced on him as soon as he was through the door, snapping pictures and cooing over his son like it was the first time they had ever seen a baby before. Even Eric had a soft look in his eyes thanks to Ollie, but his son had that effect on people, something Robert knew from that first day in the hospital when the nurses wouldn’t stop swooning over him.

After an eternity of baby talk from the two women, Robert was finally able to pay for his stuff and leave the shop, the offers from Leyla to babysit echoing after him as he went. He couldn’t help the smile on his face, but his joy was short-lived once he saw Aaron coming his way. There was no avoiding him, and they both slowed down as they came closer to each other, but Robert knew he had to just keep walking. He couldn’t stop and see the resentment or worse, indifference in Aaron’s eyes. He nodded briefly at him and kept walking, but the sound of his voice stopped Robert in his tracks.

‘’I heard, about Rebecca.’’ Aaron was shuffling on his feet as he said it.

‘’Village this small, who hasn’t?’’ Robert replied.

‘’You alright?’’

‘’Yea, fine Aaron.’’ He couldn’t handle this stilted conversation with his ex-husband, whose usually expressive eyes gave away nothing. He began to walk away.

‘’He has your eyes, Robert.’’

Robert turned back, stunned by what Aaron had said. Clearly Aaron himself hadn’t expected to say it either, judging by the look on his face, but he soon recovered.

‘’Vic showed me a photo,’’ he explained. ‘’He has your eyes.’’ With a weak smile and a nod, Aaron was on his way again, headed back to the Mill.

Robert made his way back home, where no sooner had he closed the door behind them than Vic emerged from the shadows, an excited look on her face as she picked up her nephew.

‘’So, how was it? I was right wasn’t I?’’ she beamed.

‘’It was good, yea. Ollie was great, loved the attention.’’

‘’You are your father’s son aren’t ya?’’ Victoria asked her nephew affectionately as she took him into the front room, ignoring her brother who was now slumped against the front door, his interaction with Aaron the only thing in his head. He had seemed okay, Robert thought. He hadn’t looked at Ollie, but he was civil, and his voice had a kind tone that Robert probably didn’t deserve. Maybe life in the village with a baby and Aaron wouldn’t be so hard.

 

Maybe he had spoken too soon. He had managed to avoid both Chas and Liv ever since Ollie arrived, thanks entirely to his self-imposed isolation from the village, but once he started getting out and about more with his son, it was inevitable that he would run into both of them.

He was sat in the café with Ollie one morning, Brenda fussing around the pair of them like a right mother hen, when a gust of wind from behind them drew their attention to the door and Robert’s eyes widened once he saw the reason; Liv, standing there with a mixture of hurt, anger and curiosity on her face. It was the first time he had seen her, and Brenda was itching to witness the fallout, but unfortunately for her a queue of impatient punters drew her away. Yet she still kept one eye on them at all times. Robert gazed at the young girl, wondering which emotion would win out, and in the end, it was curiosity as she cautiously approached the pram.

‘’So this is him then?’’

‘’Yea, this is Ollie.’’

‘’He’s cute. He can’t be yours.’’

‘’DNA test says otherwise.’’ Liv tore her gaze away from his son, shocked at his admission.

‘’I had to, had to make sure losing your brother was worth it.’’ He explained.

‘’And was it?’’

‘’Losing Aaron will never not hurt Liv.’’ he said softly as he watched his sleeping son. ‘’But my son, he’s worth it.’’

‘’Can I?’’ She asked, pointing at the opposite empty chair. Robert nodded.

‘’I hate you, you know that right?’’

‘’I know.’’

‘’Why did you do it?’’ The hint of hurt in her voice shattered him.

‘’I was an idiot Liv. I thought I’d lost him, and I wanted to make him feel the pain I felt. ‘’ Liv nodded her head ever so slightly, like somehow, she could understand.

‘’I haven’t forgiven you.’’

‘’I know.’’

Liv smiled softly at him, and he took that as his cue, asking about Sandra, about Dublin, her new school. She asked him about Ollie. She hesitantly asked about Rebecca, and even seemed to believe Robert when he said he had no idea where she was. It was awkward, both of them abnormally polite to each other. She had grown up a lot in her time away from the village, that much was obvious. By the time she had to leave though, she had gotten some of her trademark sarkiness back. They had reached some kind of understanding, and she had even offered to babysit, but only if he was absolutely desperate, mind. Robert smiled as she left, thinking that he may just have gotten his little, kind of sister/daughter back.

Chas was a different matter entirely. Robert had come into the pub, leaving Ollie with Vic while he returned Liv’s maths book. She had come to the cottage that evening, pleading with him for help with her homework. He had hesitated, thinking immediately of Aaron, but she assured him that her brother knew and was okay with it. After an hour of moaning about theorems, she was finally making headway, but a look at the time had her jumping up.

‘’I’m late to meet Aaron for dinner, he’s in the pub already.’’ She was gone like a hurricane, leaving Robert with a pang in his chest at the thought of them sharing a family dinner, and also leaving him with a maths book that he knew she needed in the morning.

So here he was, but he was barely in the door when he heard her voice.

‘’Get out of my pub. Now.’’

‘’Chas, I’m not here to try and cause trouble,’’ Robert sighed as he caught sight of Aaron and Liv watching from the corner booth.

‘’Oh you don’t need to try, trouble just follows you around doesn’t it? I don’t see your son anywhere, abandoned him already have you?’’

‘’No actually, Vic’s been watching him while I’ve been helping _your_ son’s sister with her schoolwork, seeing as she has no one else to turn to.’’ He snapped back, slamming the book down on the bar. He instantly regretted his outburst when he saw the look on Aaron’s face. ‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that…..I was just returning that, you left it behind.’’ He directed at Liv, before turning and walking out the door, feeling Aaron’s eyes burning into him.

 

 

‘’Robert, hang about.’’

It was the next morning. Robert was coming out of the café, Ollie perched on his hip when the voice in front of him made him look up. It was Aaron, coming towards him with an apologetic look on his face.

‘’I talked to mum.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because she shouldn’t have spoken to you like that last night, shouldn’t have brought Ollie into it.’’

‘’It’s fine Aaron, she was looking out for you, and it’s not like I didn’t deserve it. I shouldn’t have snapped at her.’’

‘’Regardless, Liv told her how much you are helping her. And you’re right; she doesn’t have anyone else for things like that. You always were the smart one. I told her to back off, so you’re welcome in the pub from now on. Well….’welcome’ might be a stretch, but not barred anyway.’’ Aaron joked feebly, which made Robert smile.

‘’Thank you Aaron, you didn’t need to do that.’’

‘’It was nothing. Besides, what else are you gonna do, go to Hotten every time you want a beer?’’

‘’Guess not, thanks Aaron.’’ The younger man waved away the thanks, and was on his way.

Aaron was right. Over the next few weeks, Robert was able to enter the pub with only minor glaring from Chas. Occasionally Vic would have Ollie for an hour or two and Robert would help Liv with her maths, sat together in the corner. He didn’t think it would be fair to do it in the Mill, not in Aaron’s personal space. On nights like these, when Liv would let out a little shriek of joy as she finally grasped some ridiculous algebraic equation, Chas would put his pint down without so much as a slam. If that wasn’t progress, then Robert didn’t know what was. Occasionally, Aaron would even join them just as they were finishing up, and they would share a quick drink. The slamming would start again from Chas then, a small reminder not to mess her son around. But she didn’t need to warn him off. They were over, he knew that, and he had accepted it, almost.

 

As days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, Robert finally felt like he was beginning to get the hang of parenting, sort of. Ollie’s personality was developing quickly. He was also growing into his features and looking more like Robert with each passing day, something that made Diane tear up on more than one occasion.

‘’Diane, c’mon,’’ Robert said softly one mid-week morning as they had breakfast in Brook cottage. ‘’Don’t cry.’’

‘’It’s nothing pet, it’s just….he’s so much like you. I reckon your dad would be proud of the father you’ve become.’’

The mention of his father was too much for him, and as he gazed down at his son, who was looking up at him with those huge, expressive eyes, he was instantly reminded of Aaron. He remembered their wedding night, sat on the bench in the dark. The tears came before he could stop them, and he told his step-mum everything, everything he had been bottling up for over half his life. He cried, she cried, and she hugged him tighter then she had ever hugged him before.

‘’Pet, I’m so sorry, I had no idea.’’

‘’I know Diane, and I’ve let it go. He wasn’t a bad man, was he? Not really. He just didn’t know how to accept it, and there was nobody to help him. But I don’t want that for Ollie. I want to be a good dad and let him love who he wants to love.’’

‘’And you are pet, you’re so good with him.’’

After another couple of hours of just talking, and Diane offering him more comfort and support than he felt he deserved, he needed to go.

‘’I’ll watch him if you like, if you need to clear your head for a bit?’’

‘’No, thanks Diane, but I’m fine, and he’s fine.’’ Robert said proudly, looking down at his son, who was pouting at him.

As Robert walked back to Vic’s, he felt lighter than he had felt in a long time. Telling Diane had lifted the weight from his chest, and he felt free. He arrived at the front gate just in time to meet the postman, and his curiosity was piqued by the first letter in the pile, addressed to him and sent from a solicitor in Leeds. Opening it, his eyes widened and he could feel the anger bubbling up in his chest as he read its contents. He stared down at his son, his hands gripping the letter so tightly his knuckles were beginning to turn red.

‘’Robert, you alright?’’

It was Aaron. Of course it was. Nobody else would have this much impeccable timing. Robert had no words to say to him, so he simply handed him the letter and stormed into the house. Aaron read the letter in shock before following him in.

‘’Full custody?’’ Aaron asked. ‘’Does that mean…?’’

‘’She’s gone, Aaron, never to return.’’

‘’How do you feel?’’

‘’How do you think I feel Aaron? She’s abandoned our son. She doesn’t care, not one bit. And did you read the last bit? Only contact her solicitor if I want to talk. Didn’t even have the guts to tell me in person that she will never come back for her son.’’

Robert’s anger was in full flow, and his raised voice woke Ollie, who began to cry shrilly in his pram. The sound immediately sobered Robert up, but before he could pull himself together enough to comfort his son, Aaron was there, crouched by the pram, gently pushing it back and forth as he murmured softly to the crying baby.

‘’Sssh, it’s okay, daddy’s just being silly isn’t he?’’ Aaron’s soothing tones seemed to work, as Ollie’s crying soon subsided. Robert felt a pull in his chest, but his defences went up and he snapped before he could stop himself.

‘’I can take care of my son Aaron, why are you even here?’’

‘’To make sure you’re okay.’’

‘’Well we’re fine so you can go now.’’

‘’Robert…fine, whatever.’’ The pull in Robert’s chest tugged harder as he watched Aaron leave, and his sudden absence seemed to affect Ollie as well, whose tears began to flow again. Robert picked up his still crying son, trying to soothe him as his own tears threatened to fall.

‘’I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Ollie, you only have me now. I hope I’m enough for you.’’

A little while later, Ollie had finally managed to settle, and he was dozing peacefully in Robert’s arms as they sat on the sofa. Vic came thundering through the door like a bloody bullet, but the sight in front of her instantly silenced her. Her brother’s eyes were red-rimmed, and she was by his side in seconds.

‘’Rob, what’s the matter?’’

He handed her the letter, just as he had to Aaron, and sure enough, she soon wore the same stunned expression as the two men had earlier.

‘’She’s not coming back.’’ It wasn’t a question, but Robert still nodded in response. ‘’Then you’ll just have to be the best father you can be, and love that boy twice as hard. You can do that, can’t you Rob?’’

‘’I don’t know if I can, Vic. I always thought she would come back eventually, that I wasn’t really doing this on my own.’’

‘’You’re not on your own. You’ve got me, and Diane. Even Liv offered to babysit remember?’’ The memory made Robert smile, but then he instantly thought of Aaron and his smile faltered.

‘’I need to apologise to Aaron.’’ He said, to his sister’s surprise. ‘’He was here earlier, trying to help and I bit his head off.’’

‘’I’m sure he understands.’’

‘’Still, I need to say sorry, and the sooner the better.’’

As fate would have it, Aaron once again had impeccable timing, thirty minutes later. Robert was sat outside bouncing Ollie on his lap after he had woken from his nap, the two of them friends again, when Aaron walked by.

‘’Aaron, wait a sec.’’ he called out as he walked after him, but the other man ignored him. ‘’Aaron, I’ve got a baby in my arms here, I can’t exactly run after ya.’’

Aaron eventually relented and turned around, keeping a distance between them, which Robert picked up on, standing back.

‘’What is it Robert?’’ He sounded defeated as he said it, and Robert ached to touch him.

‘’I wanted to say sorry, for earlier. I’m glad you were there for Ollie. We both appreciate it, don’t we trouble?’’ he asked his son, who reached his arms out in agreement, getting a hesitant smile from Aaron in return.

‘’It’s fine don’t worry about it. I’ll see you around.’’ He looked at though he wanted to say more, but then Ollie coughed and the moment passed. Robert motioned that he needed to feed his son, and he disappeared back inside, leaving Aaron stood alone, words caught in his throat.

 

 

‘’Yes, Vic, we’ll be there soon….because I need to get my wallet, unless today is on you….yea, didn’t think so,’’ Robert chuckled down the phone as he unhooked Ollie’s car seat and lifted it out. ‘’I won’t be long.’’

It was Saturday morning, and Robert was at the scrap yard. Vic had insisted at a family day out at the park, and he and Ollie had been halfway there when he realised that he had left his wallet at the yard the day before, having dropped by briefly to sign a contract for Home James. Holding Ollie’s seat in one hand, he twisted the key around and around in the door, baffled as to why it wasn’t working, when suddenly the door opened from within, Aaron stood on the other side.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ the both asked in unison, causing them each let out a soft laugh.

‘’Family picnic day with this one and Vic. Left my wallet here.’’

‘’Hiding from my mum.’’ Robert was confused, so Aaron continued. ‘’She’s pecking me head, trying to get me to help with all these ridiculous events her and Charity keep coming up with.’’

‘’Oh yea, Vic mentioned something about drag themed puff pastries…’’

Robert set Ollie’s seat down on his desk as he rooted around for his wallet and Aaron fought the urge to look at his ex-husband’s son. However, soft noises coming from the car seat were nearly impossible to ignore, and Robert seemed no closer to finding his wallet. Aaron had to go. He couldn’t be here much longer.

Except, he couldn’t make himself leave. Robert eventually let out a noise of triumph, his wallet clutched in his hand, but the look on Aaron’s face as he turned around stopped him in his tracks.

‘’Aaron, is everything okay?’’ He followed Aaron’s gaze to his son, and a flash of guilt ran through him. ‘’I’m sorry, we’re going.’’

‘’Can I hold him?’’

Robert was stunned. Of all the things Aaron could have said, that didn’t even crack the list.

‘’Yea, if that’s…yea, of course you can.’’

Robert unbuckled Ollie from his seat and lifted him out, passing him gently over to Aaron, their hands touching briefly as he took Robert’s son from him. Robert watched in awe at the soft way Aaron held his son, his rough, scrapyard-hardened finger grazing his son’s cheek, an action that clearly won over the little boy, who giggled softly. Aaron gasped and Robert’s heart ached as Ollie reached out with his tiny hand and grabbed Aaron’s finger, giggling a little as he did so, eliciting the most genuine smile from Aaron that Robert had seen in a long time.

‘’He definitely has your eyes, Robert.’’ Aaron admitted, still smiling as he looked down at the tiny baby, Robert evident in every part of him, from the blond hair, to the freckles, to the way he gazed at Aaron. The realisation stirred something in him, and suddenly he came back to himself.

‘’I have to go.’’

‘’Aaron?’’

‘’He’s beautiful Robert, really,’’ Aaron said as he handed him back over, his breath catching briefly at the way Robert smiled at his son. Just like that, he was gone, leaving Robert frozen on the spot, Ollie wriggling around in his arms, and his brain in complete meltdown. He was so stunned that it took him several minutes before he pulled himself together to leave the yard, only just remembering to lock up after himself, his wallet forgotten once again.

 

 

Robert had just put Ollie to bed when he heard the knock on the front door later that night. He was surprised to find Aaron on the other side, stood there with Robert’s wallet in his hand.

‘’You left this behind, again.’’

‘’Oh, thanks. Vic was not impressed with me. I hadn’t even realised I’d left it behind again until I got to the park.’’

‘’That’s twice now. I’ve never known you be so reckless with your money before. What have you done with Robert Sugden?’’ he attempted to joke, but a soft gurgle coming from the baby monitor on the kitchen counter caught both of their gazes.

‘’Different priorities now I guess,’’ Robert shrugged. Aaron nodded softly.

‘’So I never asked you earlier, how have you been, since you know…?’’

‘’Fine, I suppose. I was angry; well you saw that. But I’m okay with it now. You know I’ve got Diane and Vic, even Doug isn’t all that bad. I’ve got people, so I think we’ll be okay, the two of us.’’

‘’Robert, you know you can….’’but whatever he was about to say was interrupted by his phone ringing. He looked briefly at it before muting the call and putting it on the side.

‘’Don’t ignore it on my account.’’

‘’It’s fine; it’s only Liv. We’re having a film night. She’s probably wondering where I am with the food. I’ll text her in a sec. ‘’

‘’You were gonna say something?’’ Robert encouraged, but the phone call had stopped Aaron in his tracks, and he lost his nerve.

‘’It doesn’t matter. You’re okay though, yea?’’

‘’Yea, I’m good, we’re good.’’ A louder noise from his son caught his attention, and he pulled his gaze from the man opposite him. ‘’I better go and see what Mr. Mischief wants. Thanks, for the wallet. I’ll see you later, yea?’’

‘’Yea,’’ Aaron replied, trying to hide the edge of disappointment in his voice. He watched as Robert climbed the stairs to his son, shook his head sadly and walked out the door.

Robert got to his room and couldn’t contain his grin at the sight of his son wriggling around in his cot, smiling in his own little way as he shuffled back and forth, his baby grow open and the blankets in disarray.

‘’That was Aaron.’’ Robert explained as he tickled his son’s belly once he had rearranged him in his cot. ‘’Yea, I’ve told you about him before. He’s the best man I know, the most beautiful man I know too.’’ A soft gurgle from his son elicited a chuckle. ‘’Okay, tied with you for that title now, happy?’’ Robert took another gurgle as agreement, so he continued talking. ‘’I loved him a lot once, still do, but I did something silly and now he doesn’t love me anymore, which makes daddy sad sometimes, but I have you, my favourite little person and I’m okay. I think you’d like Aaron you know, he’s kind and funny, and don’t tell anyone I said this because I’d hate to ruin his grumpy grease monkey reputation, but he’s just as soft and cuddly as you are.’’ A pout from his son said he disagreed with that one, but Robert kept talking regardless. ‘’Someday I might be mates with Aaron and you can see for yourself how great he is. We never really did the whole ‘mates’ thing, me and him, but maybe one day Ollie, Aaron will like me enough to let me be his friend.’’

Robert kissed his son on the forehead, tucked him in a little more and switched off the light before climbing into his own bed, suddenly absolutely exhausted. He was completely unaware that his entire confession had been overheard by Aaron, who, having snuck back in to retrieve his phone had caught the whole thing on the baby monitor and was now making his way back to the Mill, the tears beginning to fall before he even reached the front door.

 

Two days later, Aaron was sat in the portacabin, trying desperately not to look at Robert and failing miserably. His ex-husband was making a rare appearance to the scrap yard, currently getting stuck into some figures as he went over the Home James and Holy Scrap books with his accountant. Aaron should probably be listening to whatever they were saying, but as Robert had unintentionally alluded to that day in the pub, maths wasn’t really his strong suit, and his head was spinning too much to even attempt to make sense of Robert’s profit/loss analysis today.

Did Robert really think that? That they weren’t mates, or weren’t even close to that? That Aaron hated him that much? That he only spoke to him to be civil in front of his son? These questions kept swimming in his head, causing him to glance at Robert far more than was normal. Robert occasionally caught Aaron’s eye, a concerned expression on his face, but the look was brief, and he would immediately return to his figures.

He had thought they were doing okay. They had a drink every now and then in the pub, Liv always with them, but it still counted, right? He had said before Ollie was born that he hated him, but in this very room, he had held him. He wouldn’t have done that if he hated either of them, and Robert had to know that, surely? He wanted to reassure Robert, but he couldn’t do that without revealing what he had overheard. The slamming of the portacabin door interrupted his thoughts, and he looked up to see that it was just the two of them now, the accountant having left, and he suddenly noticed that Robert was watching him with a curious expression.

‘’Aaron, are you okay? I know you find excels duller than Doug’s marrows, but I’ve never seen you quite so spaced out before.’’

‘’I’m fine, just…stuff ya know.’’

‘’Anything I can help with? Is it Liv?’’

‘’No, she’s good, well when she’s not terrorising the village anyway.’’

‘’Wouldn’t be your sister if she wasn’t putting the fear of God in someone.’’ Robert chuckled, then hesitated briefly. ‘’She wants to come over at the weekend, spend some time with Ollie, I said to check with you first….’’

‘’No, of course, she can visit him whenever.’’ A heavy silence fell between them, and Robert said the only thing he could think of to break it.

‘’I told Diane. About dad. About that boy, and dad.’’ Robert clarified, noticing Aaron’s puzzled expression.

‘’Wow. Robert, that’s big. How was it?’’

‘’Good, better than good actually. She was great. It’s partly thanks to you, by the way.’’

‘’Me, how?’’

‘’I remembered what you said, the night of the wedding, and now I have Ollie, it seemed right, to finally get it out there.’’

‘’Well, I’m proud of you Robert, really. And you’re a good dad you know.’’

‘’Thank you Aaron, that means a lot.’’ He glanced at his watch. ‘’Anyway, I better go, Vic is watching Ollie but she needs to get to work soon. I’ll catch you later.’’

He gave Aaron a soft, parting smile and was on his way. Aaron watched him go, the thoughts still swirling in his head, nothing any clearer than it had been that morning. They were friends, right? _Then why is that not enough?_ a small voice whispered in his head.

 

 

‘’Right, that’s it, hand him over.’’ Diane demanded sternly.

‘’What?’’

Robert was sat in one of the comfy chairs at Brook Cottage, cradling Ollie carefully in his arms as he watched his son drift off to sleep. They had come over after Diane had offered to cook, and Robert was beginning to doze off himself.

‘’You heard me.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Robert pet, I don’t mean to be blunt, but you look exhausted.’’

‘’I’m fine.’’

‘’Don’t argue. Take the night off pet. You haven’t really had a moment alone in the last five months. Leave him with me. Some of his stuff is here, enough to get through one night at least. Go to the pub, or into town, or just go home and get some kip. One night apart won’t kill either of you.’’

‘’But…’’ He tried to argue, but one raised hand from his step-mum was enough to silence him.

‘’Okay, if you’re sure?’’

‘’Yes pet, now hand him over and get yourself off.’’

Robert handed his son over to Diane, pressing a soft kiss to his sleeping child’s forehead and once he was certain that the message about ringing him for _anything_ had gotten through, he headed out the door.

And that was how he found himself at the pub two hours later, having gotten some kip, showered and changed into something relatively clean and non-baby food smelling. He was sat at a picnic bench outside, a still-full bottle of beer next to him and his phone on the loudest ring setting possible in his hand. He was scrolling through some photos that Vic had sent him, taken when Robert was tickling him on the sofa and his son was giggling up at him with wide-eyed awe. He was so caught up in how cute his son looked in his _Star Wars_ onesie that he didn’t notice Aaron until he was right next to him.

‘’Ya alright?’’ He asked softly, taking Robert by surprise as he looked up to see a genuine smile on the younger man’s face.

 ‘’Yea, you?’’ Aaron nodded.

‘’Where’s Ollie?’’

‘’Shit, where’s my son?’’ Robert cried in horror, leaping from the table frantically, but the bewildered look on Aaron’s face was too much and he couldn’t contain his laughter. ‘’He’s fine, he’s with Diane.’ He admitted, eliciting a playful punch from Aaron.

‘’Bloody hell Rob, don’t do that.’’ But Aaron was fighting back a grin as he said it, causing Robert’s heart to flutter. ‘’What’s he doing with Diane?’’

‘’She’s having him for the night.’’

As Robert said it, Aaron noticed for the first time how put together he looked. He wasn’t wearing anything fancy, just his usual jeans, shirt and leather jacket combination, but he looked like he was making an effort, and it caused Aaron’s heart to drop.

‘’Oh, the whole night, that was good of her. Is it because you have…plans?’’ Robert noticed the way Aaron paused on the last word, and immediately knew what he was thinking.

‘’No, no plans,’’ he tried to say as casually as possible. ‘’She just thought I should take the night off, go and do something, put on some clean clothes for once.’’

‘’And on your first night of freedom you decide the local boozer is your only option?’’

‘’Well I wanted to be close, in case….’’

'‘Fair enough. But what are you doing out here anyway? It’s much warmer inside.’’

‘’Your mum and Charity are doing one of those hunks nights again. Last thing I need to see is a group of over-oiled, overly tanned men writhing around.’’

Aaron looked towards the pub and nodded his agreement. He thought for a second.

‘’Why don’t you come back to mine for a beer? Watch a film?’’

‘’Eh, yea okay, why not?’’

‘’Where’s Liv? Robert asked once they were through the door. The walk from the pub to the Mill had been in silence, but oddly it hadn’t been awkward.

‘’Staying at Gabby’s for the night.’’ came the answer as Aaron pulled two beers from the fridge and handed one over to Robert before sitting on the sofa. Robert assessed the situation for a second before choosing the chair, missing the brief flash of disappointment that crossed Aaron’s face.

They watched a cheesy action film, not making much conversation save for a few mocking comments on the plot and the terrible Russian accents. The film came to an end and Robert knew he should be leaving, but he couldn’t force himself out of his seat, not just yet.

‘’So, how’s the boxing going?’’ He asked as nonchalantly as he could.

‘’Good, yea. I feel good.’’

‘’You look good.’’ Robert paused as he realised how that sounded. ‘’I didn’t mean it like…. I just, you know what I mean.’’ Aaron could swear he was blushing, just a little.

‘’I know what you mean, but I guess I do look a little different, stronger I guess, not so soft and cuddly anymore eh?’’ He froze as soon as he said it, biting his lip in a desperate attempt to claw the words back before Robert could pick up on it, but it was too late. Robert’s eyes widened as he replayed the conversation he had with his son a few days previously.

‘’You heard that? You were there? You were listening in?’’ The questions were fired at Aaron in quick succession, said in a tone that was both angry and embarrassed.

‘’I didn’t mean to,’’ Aaron attempted to explain. ‘’I came back to get my phone, and the baby monitor was just, there. I couldn’t stop myself, I’m sorry.’’

Robert rose from his seat and walked into the kitchen. He couldn’t fathom why he headed in that direction, the furthest one from the exit, but he felt like he needed to lean against something, and the counter seemed the safest option. He could feel Aaron behind him.

‘’Did you mean it Robert?’’

‘’Mean what?’’

‘’Do you really think that we’re not friends?’’

‘’I don’t know, maybe. I just don’t really do the whole ‘friends’ thing do I? I mean, the last person I considered a friend was Rebecca, and looked how that ended.’’

‘’Robert….’’ Aaron didn’t really want to talk about Rebecca, but Robert continued.

‘’You know I was thinking about that letter, about how Ollie is all mine now, and I actually think I feel sorry for Rebecca.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because no one has ever really chosen her, have they? Her dad always chose Chrissie over her, even though she wasn’t his. I chose Chrissie over her. I chose….you, over her. Maybe she ran because she couldn’t risk her son choosing someone else over her too, maybe. I don’t know; I’m probably talking rubbish.

‘’No, that actually makes sense. But you haven’t really answered my question Robert.’’

‘’Honestly Aaron, I don’t know. I mean we hated each other, and then we loved each other and then back again, for you at least. I don’t think we’re capable of doing anything in between.’’

‘’Maybe we don’t have to.’’ Aaron suggested, taking a step forward, close enough to breathe in Robert’s scent, the familiar shower gel smell filling his nostrils.

 Robert could feel Aaron’s warmth, so close to him now. His heart was pounding.

‘’You said you still love me.’’ Robert nodded, unable to meet Aaron’s gaze.

‘’Do you still choose me Robert?’’

Aaron took another step forward, the beer clearly making him braver than normal, and before Robert could answer, Aaron’s lips were on his, crushing them together in a desperate movement. It was familiar, it was comforting, and it was too much, too much for Robert, who pushed him away.

‘’I have a son, Aaron.’’ He whispered, his hands on Aaron’s chest. ‘’I had to give you up once before, and I can’t do it again when you decide it’s too hard for you to be near Ollie. I have a son, and I won’t let him down. I choose him, I’m sorry.’’

And just like that, he dropped his hands from Aaron’s chest, grabbed his jacket from the chair and was gone, the door clicking softly behind him as Aaron gripped the counter, the breath caught in his throat and the taste of Robert still on his lips. He had seen it, the honesty in Robert’s eyes as he chose his son, and it was the same honesty he had seen over a year earlier, when Robert told him in the woods that he chose being himself, being with Aaron. The air came back to his lungs and he gasped, knowing there was no going back for him now.

Robert barely made it back to the house before he could feel his legs buckle underneath him. He was shaking as he sat on the sofa, the feeling of Aaron all around him. Walking away from him of his own accord was the hardest thing he had probably ever done, but as his phone vibrated with a good night message from his son, he knew he had made the right decision, even if the cracks appearing in his heart and the tears in his eyes told him otherwise.

 

 

The next morning, Robert was sat on the sofa, a cold cup of coffee in his hands. He had woken constantly during the night, a routine he had developed as a result of nightly feeds with his son. He smiled as he looked at the picture Diane had sent him the previous night of Ollie wrapped up in Doug’s arms, the two of them fast asleep, along with a stern message telling him in no uncertain terms not to come and pick his son up until at least midday, to have the morning to himself. He appreciated Diane’s kindness, but if every night away from his son ended the way the previous one had, maybe he was safer never handing him over for a night’s break ever again.

His sister’s house suddenly felt very claustrophobic and he had to get out. Despite the ungodly hour, he felt the pressing need to go for a walk around the village. Before his mind could catch up with him, he found himself by the Mill, and that’s when he saw him; Aaron, sat on the bonnet of his car, a cup of tea in his hands. He had been baffled the first time he had seen Aaron in that same position with his tea, one morning not long after they had moved in. When he quizzed him on it, Aaron told him that that it was a good perspective from which to see the world, what he had been through and what he was lucky enough to now call his own; the house, the family, the husband. Robert had never admitted it, but hearing him say that had made him fall even deeper in love with him that day.

He couldn’t be seen here, but as he moved he caught Aaron’s attention, and the sound of feet coming up behind him froze him to the spot.

‘’Robert.’’ He said softly. Robert wanted to look away from him, but he found himself unable to.

‘’It hurts to see you with your son.’’ Robert shook his head sadly and started to walk away, but Aaron pulled him back.

‘’No, wait. That came out wrong. Just listen, please?’’ Robert nodded uncertainly for him to continue.

‘’It hurts, because I walked away from you, from both of you. It was the right thing at the time, but not anymore. I gave you up because I thought that whenever I looked at your son, all I would see was the betrayal, and the lies, and the fact that you chose her that night over me, that she gave you something I couldn’t.’’

‘’Aaron….’’

‘’Please, just let me finish. I was wrong. When I look at Ollie, I don’t see her. I only see you. I see your kindness, your humour, and your intelligence, and I see how much you love him. You see, I was right about Rebecca, because she gave you something I couldn’t, she gave you a child. But I can give you something she never could. I can give you a family. ‘’

Robert was floored. He felt as though his heart had stopped beating, and his lungs were on fire. Aaron took a step closer.

‘’I love you Robert. I choose you and your son. I choose this family. What do you say? Can you choose us both?’’

He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t even begin to find the words. So he did the only thing he could think of. He kissed him. Right there in the middle of the village, before the sun had even fully risen, he kissed his husband until he had to break away for air, and then he kissed him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Cheesy ending alert - soz!


End file.
